Let It Go or Let It Be?

It's not a matter of letting go-if you could you would. Instead of "Let it go" we should probably "Let it be." John Kabat-Zinn How often have you told yourself or suggested to a friend or family member to "Just let it go."? It's great advice. Letting go means not hanging on. When we hang on we keep the memory of a negative experience alive. We fuel it with made-up interpretations of who, what, where and why while reliving the emotional turmoil again and again. Letting it go frees us. But is it really so simple? I'm investigating the "Let it be." approach. Letting it be liberates from having to fix, control or change and allows the space in which to observe and accept. Letting it be feels Zen. It asks that we detach while acknowledging what is. Case in point. My YMCA is closing. It has been an important addition to my week over many years.  In the scope of life the end of my gym is pretty minor. While understanding that I also realize that anything that causes a deep emotional reaction is a catalyst for growth.  Three times a week I enjoyed a walk to the Y through a lovely park using the time for prayer and gratitude. Once at the Y I convened with like-minded people who share my commitment to keep active and have fun. These folks have become treasured friends. The closing left me struggling with the unexpected change.  I tried the "Let it go." method and it didn't help. Letting it go did nothing for how I felt about the loss. But as I worked on letting it be whispers of peace arose in my consciousness.  My mind started to design a new path for my fitness, friendships and meditative walks.  The Y's demise is part of an ever changing and shifting energetic world. Life is not static. Everything is in motion. Remembering that change is constant helped me to let go of my emotions and begin to adapt. Next time you feel accosted by an unexpected happening, an annoying event or person, play around with letting it be. You may find a little space for inner calm and the tools needed for living in love and light. As always, I will be rooting for you. I end with a stanza from The Beatles song, "Let It Be.  Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Shutting Down and Shutting Out. Freeing Bias

While talking to a woman I had just met we discovered that we were raised the same religion, the second child of six children, educated in like schools and had enjoyed living in Florida for many years. The similarities were overwhelming. Then she asked where I was brought up. "Oh-you're an Oompa loompa", she stated as she slammed the door on our kinship. "I'm a Wangdoodle." she declared. Our connection faltered, stumbled and did not regain its balance. 

I decline to define myself by the labels that were assigned to me by society or my life experience. Certainly, aspects of my upbringing and years on the planet add to my character but they are not what constitutes the sum total of me. I have learned through my work that you can't always judge a book by it's cover. 

Her reaction left me wondering what attracts us to our differences rather than our similarities? Why do we  focus on where we clash rather than where we converge? I questioned if we have an inherent need to feel separate, better, higher, smarter, quicker, richer and ultimately superior.  

I've always admired people with the ability to have meaningful friendships while holding diametrically opposed views on key issues. These folks manage to move around their differences and dance in their similarities. They have suspended their judgment and have fostered a connection that builds unique friendships.

What would happen if we sought out the places where our opinions and beliefs intersected rather than opposed one another? Wouldn't that be an interesting starting point next time there is a conflict. What if we began to ask questions such as, "What does being an Oompa Loompa mean to you?"  rather than shutting the door to connection, friendship, communion, understanding and healing. Let's work together to instigate dialogue that encourages curiosity, listening and community but first we must take a deep breath and push our bias aside.

Love and Light,

Nora

Words from a Dying Teenage Idol

Wasted Time

 'So much wasted time.' These were the words uttered by the dying teenage idol David Cassidy. His powerful message caught me off guard as I flipped through a gossip magazine at my hair salon. The impact of his statement stayed with me throughout the day as I contemplated "wasted time". To be clear, I am not referring to an hour in front of the TV or time perusing Facebook, but rather the more regrettable and detrimental time wasters sprang to mind.

I saw hours lost in worry or anger and days consumed by a refusal to forgive. A life exhausted by low self esteem or entrenched in addiction joined the list.  The negative power of gossip materialized in my thoughts while self-righteousness took its place among the tally of time wasters. With each impression I became deeply aware of the destructive power of squandered time. 

If you think wasting time takes no effort think again. The energy one expends in worry, anger, bitterness, resentment or self-abuse is entirely depleting. Next time an emotion or drama steps in to rule your day ask yourself,  "Do I really have time for this?" In doing so you may discover your own inner guide to letting go and living in love.

You Matter

You Matter 

Self esteem from the Inside Out

Self Esteem: A confidence and satisfaction in oneself. Self-respect. 

Another definition: Confidence in one's own worth or ability.  Webster's 

What yardstick do you use to calculate your worth? If you assess your value through societal standards you may be setting yourself up for heartache and suffering. Our culture measures worth and value through one's financial success, beauty, and brains. These standards are a surefire path to low self esteem and unhappiness. Over and over in my work I am shown that money truly does not buy happiness, beauty does not guarantee a charmed life and intelligence does not insulate one from chaos and pain. 

In my readings there is only love. A person's value shines through as their "inner core". This core is the essence of who they are, what spark of light they bring into the world and the vibrational energy they were born to share. Core energy can be defined by the qualities of  joy, delight, playfulness, enthusiasm, kindness and compassion.  What would happen if we began to use these intangible qualities as the benchmark for our value and worth?

Self esteem begins to flourish as you accept who you are with your shortcomings and struggles. And it will grow as you encourage the expression of love and joy in all that you strive to create. When you foster unconditional love you will begin to be a gentler and kinder judge. The twists and turns of your life have given you wisdom and compassion. Life's trials have softened your edges and deepened your ability to forgive and let go. You are valuable. You matter. You have the power to help, heal, to create and discover. You have a voice that counts. 

To develop self esteem one must begin with the concept that we are all valuable, we are all worthy. We can then open pathways to forgiving. We abandon self-righteousness.  And we forge a path of appreciation and respect not only of our voyage but of the journey of each and everyone of us.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection" _Siddhartha Gautama

Love and light,

Nora

The Homeless Healer

While on our Sunday bicycle ride Rick and I stopped at a public beach pavilion. Picnic tables sat in rows waiting for the weekend onslaught of beach goers.  As we headed toward our favorite spot we noticed a woman at a table with a dingy bed roll, a bag of clothing and a cup of coffee. It was 8 am and she was barely awake. Giving her some privacy, we seated ourselves to rest, refuel and regroup.

We were having a conversation about some discomfort I was experiencing during the ride when I heard a voice coming from her direction. 

“Sleep with a pillow between your legs.”  she said.

“Oh, right,” I replied, “I had forgotten about that! Thanks!”

With little encouragement she began to suggest several exercises to alleviate the pain. She had information to share that would help me heal. She wanted to contribute. As we mounted our bicycles to continue our ride I thanked her profusely for pointing me in a proactive direction of healing.

She advised me to sleep with a pillow between my legs. But she had no pillow and she had no bed. Her kindness touched me and I realized that on the surface she could be judged as lazy, mentally ill or an addict. For all I knew she might be all of those things. But she was something else as well. She was a healer, a fallen angel gone off track for whatever reason, but her knowledge was just as helpful as any doctor could offer.

This generous healer reminded me that I should not judge a person by her or his appearance. We are all more than we appear to be.

Holding you in love and light,

Nora

Keys to Nowhere

Do you have a secret place in your home where you accumulate junk? I certainly do. One drawer in my kitchen was randomly designated as the junk drawer for years. The other day I decided it was time to do some purging. After sifting through bottles of sticky bubble stuff, half-burned birthday candles, keys to nowhere, gadgets and gag gifts received over the years three items remained: a ball of string, a tape measure and a bag of kitchen hooks. 

While admiring the now spacious drawer I began to wonder. What about the "junk" people keep in their hearts and minds?  How often do you find yourself remembering an old slight, a thoughtless snub or a petty argument? How frequently do you ruminate on memories full of pain and suffering? 

The thoughts that occupy the "junk drawer" of your heart rob you of the joy of living in the present. Beneath our suffering lies longing to be loved. The perception that love is absent creates pain. Step back and examine the memories that trigger your sadness. Recognize them as moments in time where love appeared to be missing. Accept that even the perpetrator of your pain was acting out of a perceived loss of love. 

Don't let past wounds take up space in your heart. If you find yourself consumed by painful recollections stop for a minute and breathe. Release the visceral reaction to your memory by breathing deeply into your solar plexus. Say these words silently or aloud: 

"I release and let go. I forgive and free my heart to love. I am loved and loving."

Love and light,

Nora 

7 Truths to Live By

We all need a little help from our friends to aid us in getting back on track, releasing sadness, getting over a breakup, or loss, refocusing our energies and feeling loved.  I hope this list of " 

7 Truths to Live By" helps you be the best you can and love bigger and better.

Devotion to self growth and mindfulness is a life long journey, one that offers many blessings along the way. It takes courage to make the commitment.  There is no magic formula for inner transformation. Each person's journey is a beautiful roadmap unique to them. 

The steps to self love and self expression are simple yet profoundly challenging. I wanted to share some "truths" I have learned along the way. I return to them again and again, forgetting one week and remembering the next. When I stumble I go to this list to remind me of what is important and redirect  my mind and heart to what is truly important, the creating and sharing of love.

As I change my thinking, my life will change.

My reality is shaped by how I choose to interpret events in my life. Holding myself responsible for how I feel enables me to live life through love and grace rather than fear and worry.

Worry is a waste of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual energy.

My physical chemistry  transforms when I worry.  Cortisol levels rise which can boost blood sugar. Worrying is living in future fear.

I need time for me.

Taking time out for myself heals me. I refuel when visiting friends, spending time doing art, listening to music and enjoying the out-of-doors. Discover what you love to do and do it!

My power comes from love and joy.

When I am connecting with another in the purest form it is through love. Love ignites joy.

Being able to say "I was wrong." is a freeing experience.

Admitting when I am in error stimulates forgiveness and harmony.

Appreciating that most people are doing their best leads me to compassion. 

Judging others can be sticky business. When I begin to observe others with an eye for compassion I open my heart. 

Gratitude feels good.

When I am grateful I open my heart and mind for more. More love, more flow and more grace. Life feels good.

I leave you with a playful quote by one of my favorite authors... Dr. Suess

"I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind; 

some come from ahead, and some come from behind. 

But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see; 

now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

Love and light,

Nora

A Conversation With Donnie Downer

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.  Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." 
Marcus Aureilus

One morning while leaving the YMCA I fell in step with an elderly gentleman, I'll call him Donnie Downer.

"Isn't it a beautiful morning?" I asked as I listened to the birds singing their spring mating songs. 

"I see a patch of gray over there." he muttered. 

"Spring is springing!" I declared.

"Not in the north." he grunted.

I smiled and veered off the path toward my car. The breeze on my skin was invigorating. I felt happy to be alive.

My fellow gym member was viewing the world from his perch and I from mine. There was a gray cloud hugging the horizon as I extolled the beauty of the morning. It was frigidly cold in the north as I proclaimed spring was in the air. My reality existed side by side along with his. 

Believing you are obligated to heal everyone all the time by turning their sour into sweet can be an enervating and thankless task. It was a liberating moment in my life when I truly grasped the concept that we create our own happiness. I was freed from the responsibility of changing the perspective of another. The idea that I could be happy while someone else was not was emancipating. Being empathetically attuned to another is a quality of many of helpers and healers. But feeling that we must heal and change all those around us is an insurmountable task. There will be times when the most I can contribute to another will be a smile.

When you are in the company of a Donnie or Debbie Downer may I suggest that you attempt to respect that they have a point of view, albeit different from yours, but nonetheless real to them.  A grumpy attitude is an outward sign of inner sadness and pain, sometimes we cannot alleviate that sadness no matter how hard we try.

The belief that we create our own happiness, beginning with our thoughts, liberated me from the exhausting role of perpetual caretaker. But it did not release me from loving. Along our journey through life we will have good days and not so good days. To acknowledge that perspectives and attitudes ebb and flow allows a space for love and acceptance to flourish. We can begin to explore our world through a filter of unconditional love, first of oneself then of others.

Love and Light, 

Nora

Will You Be My Valentine?

Tis the season to show our love and this is the month we have dedicated to do so. As you know, February 14th is Valentine's Day. The word valentine stems from the Latin valen or "worthy".   What a beautiful concept to see ourselves as worthy, thereby loveable. Self love asks us to accept the idea that we are worthy and deserving of love. Somehow we have warped the idea of being worthy into an idea of needing to prove our worthiness. There are many multi-billion dollar businesses counting on people believing in the premise that you gain worthiness by being a certain weight, height, look, age and income level.

What would happen if we began to believe that just by being here on earth we were worthy of love? What if we lived by the idea that there is no barometer with which to measure this love and that we are on a life-long journey to uncover it, release it, discover it and yes, receive it? What if we began to see that living our lives from a place of love for our Self was the catalyst to grow more and more love and that by loving our Self our love of others would be a natural outcome? I see Self love as the single cell amoeba in the petri dish and as that single cell —"single thought" — multiplies all life and love grows. Self love is the ultimate liberator. As we choose to love we free our innate creativity, playfulness and joy thereby allowing and making way for new avenues of their expression.

This year I am taking the love message of February into my year with devotion. I ask you join me by starting with a little bit of love for yourself. Celebrate your talents and stop obsessing over your faults. Lighten up on the criticism and increase the admiration. You deserve it—you lovable you!

I close my critical eye and open my loving heart. Love generates from deep within. I connect with the divine source that flows from me and I love, simply, clearly and infinitely.
Happy Valentines!

It's All Good?

I have a confession to make. There is a phrase people are using that is causing the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I realize that by confessing this it may mean that I am not cool or even, God forbid, "evolved." But to tell you the honest truth, I rankle when I hear the expression "It's all good."

Granted, I know that good comes out of the most awful things and I realize that there is good in everything somewhere. But I have to tell you that I do not FEEL the "ALL GOOD"-ness of life all the time. There are times when I feel the stab-you-in-the-heart pain of life and do you know something? It hurts. There are times when being a human "being" on this planet is hard to bear whether we are watching a loved one die, breaking up with a partner, losing a home, career, savings, health, a limb, a child, a sibling, friend or parent, or standing helplessly by as a loved one suffers.

As humans we have the capacity to experience both exquisite joy as well as acute pain. And when the experience is painful I do not connect so easily with the "all good" part. The expression "It's all good" is capable of shutting down the lines of communication that potentially offer comfort and an opportunity to share in another's challenge by extending solace and love. There are times when I feel as a culture we may need to create the space in life where crying in pain would be as acceptable as rolling with laughter. We need to be cautious not to encourage attitudes that deem inappropriate sorrow and pain. Mourning loss and expressing grief is part of what weaves the thread of connection between us. It is part of what being a human is all about. Feeling sadness and grief is normal and healing in itself. The dark and lonely journey into grief and mourning many times leads us to a crystallized understanding of what we value in our life. Grief, mourning and sadness can "unmuddy" the waters, peeling away the facades we have created to numb us to life.

Thinking about grief and mourning conjured up for me images of the past when people wore mourning bands and widows dressed in black. I recalled a scene in Frank Capra's classic film "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey is reluctantly taking over the management of the Savings and Loan after his father died. He was wearing a black mourning band on his suit. There was a time when the sorrowful passing of life and the grief it generated was acknowledged and honored. 

Do I think that we should walk around with signs on our bodies of what emotions we are experiencing? Maybe not. But I do think that we need to allow space for the acceptance of pain in our life and in the lives of others. Yes I do. We are on a journey of expansion and a journey of love. There will be times in our lives when we will learn to love more through grief and through the pain of life.

There I said it. I do not like the expression "It's all good." While writing this I wondered, "What would I like to say instead?" I have come up with an answer but welcome yours as well. I would say, "I am searching for the good." That frees me up to be present in my experience but also acknowledges the hope and possibility that better will come. I expect it always. 

Today I value the feelings that flow through me. I see the richness in all of life and I bend with tenderness and caring toward those who are suffering and in need of love.