Independence Day

Independent:

"freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others."

Being independent

"means being able to take care of your own needs and to make and assume responsibility for your decisions while considering both the people around you and your environment.”

I felt stuck when I attempted to write of late. The words “me” or “we” were bouncing around in my head but I kept hitting a wall. I began thinking about the upcoming holiday, Independence Day, and the characteristic Americans are especially proud of—our right to live as we choose. As I looked up the definition of independent I discovered that I could not relate to it as a interpretation of how we live in the 21st century. Being independent seemed a much better fit. I sat with the words, “assume responsibility for your decisions while considering both the people around you and your environment.”

In this unique time in our history we are called to think, not only of ourselves, but of our place in and our impact on community. Selfish actions are not only thoughtless, they are life threatening. In this escalation of the philosophical idea of “independence” we have forgotten that in truth we are all interdependent.

A community and the people who inhabit it thrive when the population works together for common goals. It is destroyed when people forget that we are linked together by all that we do and how we live in our villages, towns and cities.

Have you ever played this game? Look around your environment and take note of how many invisible and nameless people have provided goods and services to furnish your world. From the person who dyed the wool in your carpet, the carpenter who cut the boards for your floor, the farmer and laborer who harvested your food, and the trucker who delivered it, there is nothing in your world that you can claim sole credit for. You may move independently through your day but each move has been supported by millions of others working and living on this planet.

As we celebrate Independence Day my hope is that we also celebrate our fundamental connection with each other. And that we all focus on bringing more love, more healing and more light into our individual and common world. Let’s celebrate our interdependence with renewed respect and love for one another.

Let It Go or Let It Be?

It's not a matter of letting go-if you could you would. Instead of "Let it go" we should probably "Let it be." John Kabat-Zinn How often have you told yourself or suggested to a friend or family member to "Just let it go."? It's great advice. Letting go means not hanging on. When we hang on we keep the memory of a negative experience alive. We fuel it with made-up interpretations of who, what, where and why while reliving the emotional turmoil again and again. Letting it go frees us. But is it really so simple? I'm investigating the "Let it be." approach. Letting it be liberates from having to fix, control or change and allows the space in which to observe and accept. Letting it be feels Zen. It asks that we detach while acknowledging what is. Case in point. My YMCA is closing. It has been an important addition to my week over many years.  In the scope of life the end of my gym is pretty minor. While understanding that I also realize that anything that causes a deep emotional reaction is a catalyst for growth.  Three times a week I enjoyed a walk to the Y through a lovely park using the time for prayer and gratitude. Once at the Y I convened with like-minded people who share my commitment to keep active and have fun. These folks have become treasured friends. The closing left me struggling with the unexpected change.  I tried the "Let it go." method and it didn't help. Letting it go did nothing for how I felt about the loss. But as I worked on letting it be whispers of peace arose in my consciousness.  My mind started to design a new path for my fitness, friendships and meditative walks.  The Y's demise is part of an ever changing and shifting energetic world. Life is not static. Everything is in motion. Remembering that change is constant helped me to let go of my emotions and begin to adapt. Next time you feel accosted by an unexpected happening, an annoying event or person, play around with letting it be. You may find a little space for inner calm and the tools needed for living in love and light. As always, I will be rooting for you. I end with a stanza from The Beatles song, "Let It Be.  Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

What's Love Got to Do With It?

The sound of Tina Turner's soulful voice has been ringing in my ears asking "What's love got to do with it?" Sparked by the approach of Valentine's Day I began thinking a lot about love. It is the focus of my work and directs my sessions as I help clients maneuver through life. With the song's lyrics echoing in my head I asked myself "What does love have to with it?" The resounding answer time after time was -- "Everything." Love has to do with everything.

If you seek love foster love. Kindle a love-centered life by resolving to express the gift of love. A conscious intention to love begins with self love. Practice observing your thoughts. Do you berate yourself with critical comments?  Are you forever comparing yourself to others only to come up lacking? Decide to move toward a gentler and more loving attitude today.

When we decide to live a love-centered life we will be altered. If this sounds difficult, if you believe you are on merry-go-round and cannot get off, start small and simple. Catch yourself when you are on auto-pilot. Stop and take stock of your surroundings. Breathe and ground yourself in the moment. Put the phone down. Carve out 5 minutes a day to be still. It can be in your car in the parking lot before work. Listen to what your soul is asking for. Most often it is not an insurmountable request. As you make small adjustments to cultivate love and kindness toward yourself the love you give will flourish as well.

Happy Valentine's Day. I send you all love.

Nora

Words from a Dying Teenage Idol

Wasted Time

 'So much wasted time.' These were the words uttered by the dying teenage idol David Cassidy. His powerful message caught me off guard as I flipped through a gossip magazine at my hair salon. The impact of his statement stayed with me throughout the day as I contemplated "wasted time". To be clear, I am not referring to an hour in front of the TV or time perusing Facebook, but rather the more regrettable and detrimental time wasters sprang to mind.

I saw hours lost in worry or anger and days consumed by a refusal to forgive. A life exhausted by low self esteem or entrenched in addiction joined the list.  The negative power of gossip materialized in my thoughts while self-righteousness took its place among the tally of time wasters. With each impression I became deeply aware of the destructive power of squandered time. 

If you think wasting time takes no effort think again. The energy one expends in worry, anger, bitterness, resentment or self-abuse is entirely depleting. Next time an emotion or drama steps in to rule your day ask yourself,  "Do I really have time for this?" In doing so you may discover your own inner guide to letting go and living in love.

The Homeless Healer

While on our Sunday bicycle ride Rick and I stopped at a public beach pavilion. Picnic tables sat in rows waiting for the weekend onslaught of beach goers.  As we headed toward our favorite spot we noticed a woman at a table with a dingy bed roll, a bag of clothing and a cup of coffee. It was 8 am and she was barely awake. Giving her some privacy, we seated ourselves to rest, refuel and regroup.

We were having a conversation about some discomfort I was experiencing during the ride when I heard a voice coming from her direction. 

“Sleep with a pillow between your legs.”  she said.

“Oh, right,” I replied, “I had forgotten about that! Thanks!”

With little encouragement she began to suggest several exercises to alleviate the pain. She had information to share that would help me heal. She wanted to contribute. As we mounted our bicycles to continue our ride I thanked her profusely for pointing me in a proactive direction of healing.

She advised me to sleep with a pillow between my legs. But she had no pillow and she had no bed. Her kindness touched me and I realized that on the surface she could be judged as lazy, mentally ill or an addict. For all I knew she might be all of those things. But she was something else as well. She was a healer, a fallen angel gone off track for whatever reason, but her knowledge was just as helpful as any doctor could offer.

This generous healer reminded me that I should not judge a person by her or his appearance. We are all more than we appear to be.

Holding you in love and light,

Nora

7 Truths to Live By

We all need a little help from our friends to aid us in getting back on track, releasing sadness, getting over a breakup, or loss, refocusing our energies and feeling loved.  I hope this list of " 

7 Truths to Live By" helps you be the best you can and love bigger and better.

Devotion to self growth and mindfulness is a life long journey, one that offers many blessings along the way. It takes courage to make the commitment.  There is no magic formula for inner transformation. Each person's journey is a beautiful roadmap unique to them. 

The steps to self love and self expression are simple yet profoundly challenging. I wanted to share some "truths" I have learned along the way. I return to them again and again, forgetting one week and remembering the next. When I stumble I go to this list to remind me of what is important and redirect  my mind and heart to what is truly important, the creating and sharing of love.

As I change my thinking, my life will change.

My reality is shaped by how I choose to interpret events in my life. Holding myself responsible for how I feel enables me to live life through love and grace rather than fear and worry.

Worry is a waste of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual energy.

My physical chemistry  transforms when I worry.  Cortisol levels rise which can boost blood sugar. Worrying is living in future fear.

I need time for me.

Taking time out for myself heals me. I refuel when visiting friends, spending time doing art, listening to music and enjoying the out-of-doors. Discover what you love to do and do it!

My power comes from love and joy.

When I am connecting with another in the purest form it is through love. Love ignites joy.

Being able to say "I was wrong." is a freeing experience.

Admitting when I am in error stimulates forgiveness and harmony.

Appreciating that most people are doing their best leads me to compassion. 

Judging others can be sticky business. When I begin to observe others with an eye for compassion I open my heart. 

Gratitude feels good.

When I am grateful I open my heart and mind for more. More love, more flow and more grace. Life feels good.

I leave you with a playful quote by one of my favorite authors... Dr. Suess

"I've heard there are troubles of more than one kind; 

some come from ahead, and some come from behind. 

But I've brought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see; 

now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

Love and light,

Nora

A Conversation With Donnie Downer

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.  Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." 
Marcus Aureilus

One morning while leaving the YMCA I fell in step with an elderly gentleman, I'll call him Donnie Downer.

"Isn't it a beautiful morning?" I asked as I listened to the birds singing their spring mating songs. 

"I see a patch of gray over there." he muttered. 

"Spring is springing!" I declared.

"Not in the north." he grunted.

I smiled and veered off the path toward my car. The breeze on my skin was invigorating. I felt happy to be alive.

My fellow gym member was viewing the world from his perch and I from mine. There was a gray cloud hugging the horizon as I extolled the beauty of the morning. It was frigidly cold in the north as I proclaimed spring was in the air. My reality existed side by side along with his. 

Believing you are obligated to heal everyone all the time by turning their sour into sweet can be an enervating and thankless task. It was a liberating moment in my life when I truly grasped the concept that we create our own happiness. I was freed from the responsibility of changing the perspective of another. The idea that I could be happy while someone else was not was emancipating. Being empathetically attuned to another is a quality of many of helpers and healers. But feeling that we must heal and change all those around us is an insurmountable task. There will be times when the most I can contribute to another will be a smile.

When you are in the company of a Donnie or Debbie Downer may I suggest that you attempt to respect that they have a point of view, albeit different from yours, but nonetheless real to them.  A grumpy attitude is an outward sign of inner sadness and pain, sometimes we cannot alleviate that sadness no matter how hard we try.

The belief that we create our own happiness, beginning with our thoughts, liberated me from the exhausting role of perpetual caretaker. But it did not release me from loving. Along our journey through life we will have good days and not so good days. To acknowledge that perspectives and attitudes ebb and flow allows a space for love and acceptance to flourish. We can begin to explore our world through a filter of unconditional love, first of oneself then of others.

Love and Light, 

Nora