Keys to Nowhere

Do you have a place in your home where you accumulate junk? I certainly do. One drawer in my kitchen was randomly designated as the junk drawer for years. The other day I decided it was time to do some purging. After sifting through bottles of sticky bubble stuff, half-burned birthday candles, keys to nowhere, gadgets and gag gifts received over the years three items remained: a ball of string, a tape measure and a bag of kitchen hooks.  While admiring the now spacious drawer I began to wonder. What about the "junk" people keep in their hearts and minds?  How often do you find yourself remembering an old slight, a thoughtless snub or a petty argument? How frequently do you ruminate on memories full of pain and suffering?  The thoughts that occupy the "junk drawer" of your heart rob you of the joy of living in the present. Beneath our suffering lies longing to be loved. The perception that love is absent creates pain. Step back and examine the memories that trigger your sadness. Recognize them as moments in time where love appeared to be missing. Accept that even the perpetrator of your pain was acting out of a perceived loss of love.  Don't let past wounds take up space in your heart. If you find yourself consumed by painful recollections stop for a minute and breathe. Release the visceral reaction to your memory by breathing deeply into your solar plexus. Say these words silently or aloud:  "I release and let go. I forgive and free my heart to love. I am loved and loving."

It's All Good?

I have a confession to make. There is a phrase people are using that is causing the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I realize that by confessing this it may mean that I am not cool or even, God forbid, "evolved." But to tell you the honest truth, I rankle when I hear the expression "It's all good."

Granted, I know that good comes out of the most awful things and I realize that there is good in everything somewhere. But I have to tell you that I do not FEEL the "ALL GOOD"-ness of life all the time. There are times when I feel the stab-you-in-the-heart pain of life and do you know something? It hurts. There are times when being a human "being" on this planet is hard to bear whether we are watching a loved one die, breaking up with a partner, losing a home, career, savings, health, a limb, a child, a sibling, friend or parent, or standing helplessly by as a loved one suffers.

As humans we have the capacity to experience both exquisite joy as well as acute pain. And when the experience is painful I do not connect so easily with the "all good" part. The expression "It's all good" is capable of shutting down the lines of communication that potentially offer comfort and an opportunity to share in another's challenge by extending solace and love. There are times when I feel as a culture we may need to create the space in life where crying in pain would be as acceptable as rolling with laughter. We need to be cautious not to encourage attitudes that deem inappropriate sorrow and pain. Mourning loss and expressing grief is part of what weaves the thread of connection between us. It is part of what being a human is all about. Feeling sadness and grief is normal and healing in itself. The dark and lonely journey into grief and mourning many times leads us to a crystallized understanding of what we value in our life. Grief, mourning and sadness can "unmuddy" the waters, peeling away the facades we have created to numb us to life.

Thinking about grief and mourning conjured up for me images of the past when people wore mourning bands and widows dressed in black. I recalled a scene in Frank Capra's classic film "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey is reluctantly taking over the management of the Savings and Loan after his father died. He was wearing a black mourning band on his suit. There was a time when the sorrowful passing of life and the grief it generated was acknowledged and honored. 

Do I think that we should walk around with signs on our bodies of what emotions we are experiencing? Maybe not. But I do think that we need to allow space for the acceptance of pain in our life and in the lives of others. Yes I do. We are on a journey of expansion and a journey of love. There will be times in our lives when we will learn to love more through grief and through the pain of life.

There I said it. I do not like the expression "It's all good." While writing this I wondered, "What would I like to say instead?" I have come up with an answer but welcome yours as well. I would say, "I am searching for the good." That frees me up to be present in my experience but also acknowledges the hope and possibility that better will come. I expect it always. 

Today I value the feelings that flow through me. I see the richness in all of life and I bend with tenderness and caring toward those who are suffering and in need of love.