Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's All Good?

I have a confession to make. There is a phrase people are using that is causing the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I realize that by confessing this it may mean that I am not cool or even, God forbid, "evolved." But to tell you the honest truth, I rankle when I hear the expression "It's all good."

Granted, I know that good comes out of the most awful things and I realize that there is good in everything somewhere. But I have to tell you that I do not FEEL the "ALL GOOD"-ness of life all the time. There are times when I feel the stab-you-in-the-heart pain of life and do you know something? It hurts. There are times when being a human "being" on this planet is hard to bear whether we are watching a loved one die, breaking up with a partner, losing a home, career, savings, health, a limb, a child, a sibling, friend or parent, or standing helplessly by as a loved one suffers.


As humans we have the capacity to experience both exquisite joy as well as acute pain. And when the experience is painful I do not connect so easily with the "all good" part. The expression "It's all good" is capable of shutting down the lines of communication that potentially offer comfort and an opportunity to share in another's challenge by extending solace and love. There are times when I feel as a culture we may need to create the space in life where crying in pain would be as acceptable as rolling with laughter. We need to be cautious not to encourage attitudes that deem inappropriate sorrow and pain. Mourning loss and expressing grief is part of what weaves the thread of connection between us. It is part of what being a human is all about. Feeling sadness and grief is normal and healing in itself. The dark and lonely journey into grief and mourning many times leads us to a crystallized understanding of what we value in our life. Grief, mourning and sadness can "unmuddy" the waters, peeling away the facades we have created to numb us to life.

Thinking about grief and mourning conjured up for me images of the past when people wore mourning bands and widows dressed in black. I recalled a scene in Frank Capra's classic film "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey is reluctantly taking over the management of the Savings and Loan after his father died. He was wearing a black mourning band on his suit. There was a time when the sorrowful passing of life and the grief it generated was acknowledged and honored. 

Do I think that we should walk around with signs on our bodies of what emotions we are experiencing? Maybe not. But I do think that we need to allow space for the acceptance of pain in our life and in the lives of others. Yes I do. We are on a journey of expansion and a journey of love. There will be times in our lives when we will learn to love more through grief and through the pain of life.

There I said it. I do not like the expression "It's all good." While writing this I wondered, "What would I like to say instead?" I have come up with an answer but welcome yours as well. I would say, "I am searching for the good." That frees me up to be present in my experience but also acknowledges the hope and possibility that better will come. I expect it always. 

Today I value the feelings that flow through me. I see the richness in all of life and I bend with tenderness and caring toward those who are suffering and in need of love.






4 comments:

Paul said...

I think it's good that you're questioning, "It's All Good?" So often we say things without really thinking about what we're saying. I'm not certain that I say this exactly, however I often hear it said. Do we take the time to really get in touch with the underlying feelings that arise moment to moment or do we gloss them over with a catch all phrase?
On the highest level it is all good or at least all God. Everything is happening as it should. Can we elevate to this lofty place and find acceptance of all things without going into each thing and exploring the human range of emotions? I think Nora's on to something. It may be "all good" to require contacting the moment in a real way. A way that allows ourselves to feel our emotions and unlock the mysteries that we hold deep inside. I believe we earn our way step by step. There is no easy path that avoids pain.
So for me it is definitely "all God" and most certainly not "all good." Paul

The Creative Outlet of Englewood said...

My mother always said we can't appreciate and enjoy the "good" without ever experienceing the "bad". I believe it is very important to let myself be sad when I need to and let it out, so there is room for the joy to come in. When you talked about the answer, it's all good, I keep thinking about how many times I have been asked, how are you doing? and to keep the conversation simple and done with, I will say, "I'm fine", it's just another all good in a modest way. It's like if I were to say, "I'm really sad today", then I feel like they are going to want to know why or I have to explain myself, and usually when I am sad, I would rather not talk about it and let myself be alone and sad until I am ready to find the joy. Thank you for your blog, it reminds me that sometimes life does seem cruel when so much "bad" seems to engulf it, but I must remember to stay strong in my heart and know I can get through it and let the pain happen, when I make it to the other side, it will be another lesson learned and another experience that has strenghtened my soul. It's not all good, it's all real.
Tiffany

Unknown said...

I am refraining from too much comment. I too, can not stand this saying. It is not because I don't WANT it to be all good. I do. But I have such issue with this that it's amazing and ironic how you brought it up. I just thought it was me that it irritated, and I chalked it up to the surfer passive CAli way of life, or the drug induced state alot of people are in so they don't have to take responsibility for not just themselves but for their responsibility to think and grow...I'll leave it at that. For now.

barb said...

I have always heard the comment "It's all good" not as some cosmic assumption that everything works for good--but rather as a cop out when someone does not want to actually face the reality of the situation. So perhaps we might cut those who use the expression some slack by realizing that they are not prepared or do not want to feel the sadness generated by the present situation--and "it's all good" is just a polite way of saying "I don't want to talk about it"--I like Tiffany's "It's all real"--that really resonates with me--I wonder why!